Original Article by Raquel Peel
Starting a new relationship can be fun, or the stress of success can make it difficult. By taking the time in that first formative conversation, you can build a strong foundation of trust to start with.
This strong foundation is best when built on friendship. It allows you to have a healthy relationship instead of one that has cracks even at the beginning.
Consider these 4 keys to a honest and successful new relationship and set yourself up for success, not failure.
1. Talk about what you are looking for in the relationship
Try not to agree to what they want in a relationship just to seem like you are on the same page. Instead, agree when you genuinely mean it, discuss your point of view (even if you are not sure about something).
Talk about the pace you want to set: 'Do you want to go slow?'; 'Are you happy to dive in and go where the feeling takes you?'; or 'Are you somewhere in between?'.
By explaining what you want from the relationship, and keeping it light and comfortable, it allows you both to feel valued. You do not need to 'justify' your feelings and thoughts, but you may need to sometimes be a little more vulnerable in your answers.
Be prepared to experience your feelings, because if this is not there in the beginning - it never is.
Remember that a relationship should be a two way street!
2. Divulge both your Strength and Weakness.
While it is natural to want to show yourself at your best all the time, 'being at your best' is not sustainable 24/7. Therefore, acknowledging your weakness and showing that you accept they are part of who you are, allows the other person to also feel they can be more truthful and real in the relationship.
No! This does not mean you forget common courtesy or manners in the process of trying to show you are real person who have weaknesses, it just means you are allowing yourself to not always be 'perfect'.
By doing this, you enable the other person to see you are trying to portray yourself truthfully and that they can get to know you.
Inspiring trust is paramount to build your relationship, and vulnerability and imperfection are part of that.
3. Avoid Sacrificing Your Morals and Beliefs for Love.
It so easy in a new relationship to agree with someone just to keep the relationship going, but create a strong basis by being true to your morals and beliefs; otherwise it is a slippery slope to relationship hell.
So, even if your new love interest seems made in heaven and perfect for you, it is essential to access whether your interests align (specially for the stuff that are really important to you).
Once these things are out in the open, ready to be talked about, then there is a choice moving forward. If love is going to develop into something real, then you both need to understand and respect each other’s moral and beliefs.
Your beliefs make you the person you are. Pretending they do not for the sake of love is relationship sabotage at is core.
4. Share why your previous relationship ended.
Now, sharing is a two edge sword conversation. You do not want to talk about your exes or moan about how all your relationships before were 'this' and 'that'.
Instead, you want to have a mature and honest conversation about your previous relationships. Be honest if you were at fault, acknowledge the issues and accept the good and bad for what they are.
Showing this new person that you can grow and learn from your previous relationships, understand your mistakes, understand what went well and what was totally horrible can allow you to heal, stop any patterns of sabotage and move on.
By sharing past challenges in relationships may break the cycle of repeating the same issues.
Here you have the 4 keys to a honest and successful new relationship. Now, you also need to take the other person into consideration.
Allow yourself to actively listen when they are sharing and when they are commenting on what you have said.
As your connection is developing, do not put off these conversations, the sooner you address them openly and honestly, the closer the two of you will become.
Yes! Opening up like this can put you in a vulnerable spot. However, to break old sabotage habits and develop deeper connections, you do need to allow this to happen.