Relationship Sabotage Scale
Some people are stuck in a continuous cycle of successfully initiating a relationship, yet being unable to maintain long-term engagements, and embarking on a path that appears to be a destined break up, others stay in long-term relationships but are unhappy, while others have opted not enter relationships anymore.
The concept of relationship sabotage can explain these phenomena; however, lack of theory development, insufficient testing and lack of empirical evidence have resulted in an ambiguous conceptual definition and measurement of this construct.
Therefore, a series of three studies of non-duplicate samples (n = 321; n = 608; n = 436), involving a total of 1365 English speaking participants from diverse parts of the world, were conceptualised to fill the need for scale development and to build empirical evidence on the topic of self-sabotage in intimate relationships.
The Relationship Sabotage Scale (RSS) was developed and validated using exploratory factor analyses, confirmatory factor analyses, reliability and constructive validity analyses. Results demonstrate that the RSS is a psychometrically sound measure of self-defeating attitudes and behaviours in intimate relationships, containing 12 items and three factors: 1) defensiveness, 2) trust difficulty, and 2) lack of relationship skills.
The RSS can be used be in the public domain, is economically feasible to deliver, easily scored, and designed for individuals of all genders and sexualities.
The insight gathered from using the RSS will be helpful. However, it should be noted that identifying how one normally behaves across relationships, as described here, will only provide a start point towards changing self-defeating patterns and employing healthier relationship dynamics. We suggest seeking additional help from relationship counselling services.
Scale Items
1. I constantly feel criticised by my partner.
2. My partner makes me feel a lesser person.
3. I get blamed unfairly for issues in my relationship.
4. I often feel misunderstood by my partner.
5. I often get jealous of my partner.
6. I get upset about how much time my partner spends with their friends..
7. I believe that to keep my partner safe I need to know where my partner is.
8. I sometimes check my partner’s social media profiles.
9. I am open to my partner telling me about things I should do to improve our relationship.
10. I am open to finding solutions and working out issues in the relationship.
11. I will admit to my partner if I know I am wrong about something.
12. When I notice that my partner is upset, I try to put myself in their shoes so I can understand where they are coming from.
Subscales
Defensiveness
Defensiveness, such as being angry or aggressive, is a counter-attack to a perceived threat. People who are defensive are normally motivated to validate themselves; they are looking for ways to prove themselves right and protect their self-esteem.
Threats that trigger defensiveness are a previous relationship trauma, difficulty with self-esteem, loss of hope, the possibility of getting hurt again, and fear of failure, rejection, abandonment and commitment. However, defensiveness is an instinctive response that is sometimes needed.
One research participant described defensiveness as a way to protect against an inevitable "heart break":
I protect myself from getting hurt in a romantic relationship by putting up all of my walls and not letting go of my guard.
Defensiveness Subscale Items:
1. I constantly feel criticised by my partner.
2. My partner makes me feel a lesser person.
3. I get blamed unfairly for issues in my relationship.
4. I often feel misunderstood by my partner.
Trust Difficulty
Having difficulty trusting others involves struggling to believe intimate partners. It might also involve feeling jealous of partners's attention to others. People who feel this way might not feel safe and avoid feeling vulnerable in relationships.
This is often a result of past experiences of having trust betrayed, or expecting to be betrayed. Betrayals could be as a result of small deceptions (such as a white lie) or bigger deceptions (such as infidelity).
One research participant explained that choosing not to trust, or being unable to trust, is a way of avoiding being hurt again:
I no longer trust my romantic partners 100%. I will always be thinking about what I would do if they left or cheated, so I never get fully invested.
Trust Difficulty Subscale Items:
5. I often get jealous of my partner.
6. I get upset about how much time my partner spends with their friends..
7. I believe that to keep my partner safe I need to know where my partner is.
8. I sometimes check my partner’s social media profiles.
Lack of Relationship Skills
This is when someone has limited insight or awareness into destructive tendencies in relationships. This may be a result of poor relationship role models, or negative interactions and outcomes from previous relationships.
To explain lack of relationship skills, one research participant said:
What used to hold me back was lack of experience, poor relationship examples (from my parents), and my own immaturity.
Lack of Relationship Skills Subscale Items:
9. I am open to my partner telling me about things I should do to improve our relationship.
10. I am open to finding solutions and working out issues in the relationship.
11. I will admit to my partner if I know I am wrong about something.
12. When I notice that my partner is upset, I try to put myself in their shoes so I can understand where they are coming from.
Scale Article
Scale Manual
Articles Referencing the Relationship Sabotage Scale
As a condition of use, please reference the RSS as follow:
Peel, R., Caltabiano, N. (2021). The relationship sabotage scale: An evaluation of factor analyses and constructive validity. BMC Psychology 9, 146. https://doi.org/10.1186/s40359-021-00644-0