A Queensland relationships expert who has researched extensively into “why individuals get into a cycle of continually failing at relationships” believes she has identified a key reason..
By Warren Barnsley
14 February, 2020.
Retrieved from 7 News
Psychology researcher Raquel Peel, from the University of Southern Queensland, believes many of those unlucky in love are “self-sabotaging”.
In her research, she discovered three key behavioural patterns by which a person can ruin their relationships: defensiveness, trust difficulties and lack of relationship skills.
“Individuals who engage constantly in those behaviours, from one relationship to the next, are inevitably sabotaging their chances of maintaining a healthy and successful relationship,” Peel told 7NEWS.com.au.
She said defensiveness was widely accepted as “really bad behaviour to engage in” because it pushes a partner away.
“Ask yourself whether or not you might be too defensive,” she said.
“Do you constantly feel criticised by your partner? Do you feel like they might be blaming you unfairly?
“Are you open to finding solutions to solve issues in the relationship? Or do you think your partner should be the one?
“Asking yourselves those questions might give you an idea whether or not you are engaging in defensiveness.”
She said instead of becoming defensive when criticised in a relationship, a person should think about how they communicate that they are upset.
She said people can identify if they have trust issues by asking if they are often jealous of their partner.
“Are you constantly checking social media, for example?” she said.
Peel recommends people who are constantly self-sabotaging in relationships should consider talking to a psychologist.